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Krisella
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« on: February 28, 2009, 08:15:42 AM » |
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I found this on a discussion board in a facebook group. I wasn't sure where to post it on here, but I thought it was interesting so decided to post in this thread.
Now, being a noob, and therefore never having been on a raid, I do not class myself as any of these.... although I will probably end up being "the dumbest person on the planet" or some such....lol. The question is, which one do you class yourself.... and can you recognize any of the other raiders in these categories?
THE PEOPLE U WOW WITH !!
Disclaimer: I did not make the original. Only found it and had to share.
The Raid-
You raid with these people. You work with these people. These people are closer than your family. You should worry.
The GM- He's sacrificed his family, friends, and probably a couple of jobs to drag you through new content. When the guild isn't performing, these decisions are in question. Prone to shooting sprees, forum flame wars, and the rapid advancement/gearing of whatever toon the guild ?needs?. If you can keep your mouth shut, he'll go emo and quit before you get kicked. Still, you do like the guy. Or did. Before he went crazy. See drunks, below.
The GM's Significant Other- Okay, so he was going to have to quit but he tricked his SO into playing. She loves it. She's terrible. You'll effectively 24 man every boss. Count on 4 constructs in the raid, every attempt. She plays a Belf.
The Raid Leader- When you stand in the flames, he dies a little bit inside.
The Positive officer- ?That was great. Just great. You know, only 5% of guilds have even made it to Supremus, and getting him down to 67% on the second attempt is hawt.? See Stoners, below.
The Negative officer- ?Jesus Christ why are there corpses under all these goddamn volcanoes? It's Supremus for %@*@s?s sake. GET OUT OF THE GODDAMN FLAME!? See Drunks, below.
The Healing Officer- Has this job because, as the newest officer who plays a healer, He's stuck with it.
The Guy Who Runs the Guild- He's been here a long time. Like forever. He's an officer if he accepted the position. He knows all the gossip and understands the politics. For the love of God, don't make this guy decide that you are hurting the guild. The last GM did.
The Hunter Class Lead- Will tell you that it does actually require skill and preparation to play a hunter well in the end game. Lies frequently.
Stratman- Has read every strategy on the entire internet for every boss. Unable to think critically. Knows where his talk key is. Hated by the officers. Likely to play a hunter. If this is also Chick With Accent, below, guild will probably collapse.
The Gay guy- Affects the gay accent for effect. Upgrade decisions tend to involve lengthy discussions about gear appearance. Learned to use the dressing room function before the 'v' key.
The Stay At Home Mom- She's around children all day and craves adult conversation. Babbles incessantly in vent, forgetting that adult conversation doesn't usually begin with, ?So I was talking to (insert name of four-year-old child) and he says?? May or may not be on speaking terms with spouse. Is muted on vent by 90% of the raid.
Mr. Mikeless- Has a microphone. Hears the conversation and directions. Once wiped the raid because he started talking most folks alt-tabbed to see who the hell was speaking. May be your best player.
The Kid- So, you messed up on this guy?s interview and nobody noticed that he was 12. But, he can play. And if he gets a little bit excited when boobies are getting talked about? Hey, He's young.
The Other kid- Remember that accountant you interviewed for the fury warrior position? And how you wondered how he'd make time to raid during tax season? He couldn't. His eleven year old daughter took over about that time. She's been raiding since. Mages? that's an eleven year-old girl owning you night after night.
The Drunks- The core of your guild. As raid progresses, their voices in vent are getting just ever so slightly slurred. You don't notice because you're trying to sound sober yourself. DPS output seems to scale positively with blood alcohol content.
The Stoners- Quietly wiping raids since the beta. They really, really, really hate having to move out of the fire. Two of them are dead under the volcanoes. They live in fear of the negative officer. They have their own channel. Try /join (insertguildname)stoners. You'll see who's in there. It'll explain a lot. They're also having more fun that everyone else combined
The Prima Donna- Requires special attention from management. Constantly whining. Plays some vital role. Might be a main tank, mage tank, or lock tank. The officers really hate this guy and as soon as they can find another tank with 24,000 buffed HP, He's out. Not a stoner.
The Chick with the Accent- Is the accent fake? Nobody knows or cares. Future visits to Australia/Britain/New Zealand/Alabama are now planned by all single raid members. The Negative officer will never, ever call her out.
The Healing Pallie- Hates healing and had to go holy to see endgame. If you raid with a boomkin, a feral druid, a fury warrior, or any non-resto shaman, you are not getting a 10 minute blessing. Forget it. He hates you. Also, see Prima Donna, the Gay Guy.
The Warlock Whisperer- Directionally challenged. Despite having run Karazhan 1.26 million times, will require a summon to Maiden's room from the entrance. Has a "summon pls" macro.
The New Guy- Begins most sentences wit wtf NOOB
The Backup-He's the guy waiting in the wings for the raid slot. Totally dependable and plays about 200% better than the guy for whom he's filling in. He's got half the gear and puts out 20% more dps. Totally cool, amazingly competent. You love it when the main can't be there.
The Buff-less Wonder - Plays a class with group buffs, but "forgets" to bring the necessary reagents. Highly skilled at turning a deaf ear and blind eye to buff assignments. If reminded, will proceed to slowly buff people one by one until someone else is overwhelmed by frustration and does it for them.
Mr. Pick Me! Pick Me!- This guy is online and ready to raid. Always. Need a prot warrior? He's got one. A holy pallie? Check. Problem is, he's really bad. Like bad bad. You keep him in the guild because he's... well, he's always been in the guild. So when your main tank, back up tank, and back up back up tank have vanished Mr. Pick is ready to rock, much to everyone else's horror.
Tootsie - Has a female toon. Claims to be female. Receives many of the benefits that the other females do, people are nice to her; she gets suspiciously good loot. Problem is, she's never posted a picture of herself, and she never talks on Vent. Could she really be a girl? Sure. But who's to know?
The Dumbest Person On The Planet: No one's quite sure exactly what's wrong with this guy, perhaps human evolution really has come to a standstill. Will be the cause of 60% of your wipes until he gets a /gkick. Tell him to spread out and he'll glue himself to a squishy healer. Tell him to avoid something and he'll stand in it till dead, then complain that he didn't get any heals. Ask him to CC the yellow star and he'll pick the orange circle then claim bleeding wounds debuff on his target.
The Obvious Explainer - This guy has read Wowwiki and probably written some of it. He will stop the raid for 15 minutes before each fight to explain to all the new people (of which there are none) that this guy might produce ground fire once in a while or that the hunter adds might shoot arrows. He'll warn that the boss can hit hard, tell everyone to avoid damage, and remind the healers that they need to keep the tanks alive. It makes you a bit worried that an obviously intelligent person thinks your raid needs to be handled with kid's gloves. Sadly, you wipe a lot when he's not on.
The Escape Artist
Apologizes profusely for having to drop from a raid half way through but he just has to go and he's really, really sorry. Only afterwards do you realize he ****ed off with half the raid's shards and loot.
The Vagininja
A notorious ninja ("Sorry, I have it set to auto loot and forgot to turn it off") but also female, so no one ever calls her on it cos she obviously doesn't know the game that well and might get upset?despite the fact she plays 14 hours a day, has been in since Beta, and was head-to-toe purples when everyone else was still in greens.
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